A Seat at the Table, A Place in Our Hearts
I’ve always loved this photo of Spice sitting at the supper table, perfectly nestled between my mother and stepfather. Her eyes are focused. Not waiting for a scrap to fall, but knowing full well she had a meal waiting for her and a seat at the table. My mom, my tiny but fierce Italian mother, didn’t feed her scraps. She made sure Spice had a full course meal of her own. Because for her, it wasn’t about tossing leftovers. It was about feeding Spice’s soul and sharing her love with her.
Feeding Spice was their love language and favorite past time. A little meatball here, a piece of chicken there, offered not as afterthoughts, but as shared parts of the meal. Spice soaked in every bite, but even more so, she soaked in the togetherness. She was never just there for the food (okay well maybe). She was there for the moment. The laughter. The warmth. The presence.
Spice always knew what we humans sometimes forget: the act of sitting down and sharing a meal is sacred. No phones. No TV. No distractions. It’s not just about nourishment—it’s about love and family.
Not All Family Feels Like "Home" and "Family"
Unfortunately (or fortunately…I guess it depends on how you look at it) I’ve learned, through personal experience, that the family you were born into may not feel like the “family”, or “home” you envisioned. Maybe you too have experienced this, and if so, I am here to tell you your “true” family is out there and I am a part of it. There have been moments in my life when blood ties rejected and hurt me, and I felt more like family was pain and punishment versus a loving place I could go to for help and support. Sitting at the table wasn’t even an option for me because some of my family chose to exclude me from gatherings and write me out of their lives.
But then life does something beautiful. It introduces you to people who choose, welcome and embrace you as their family, who see the amazing and beautiful soul you are, and who you choose right back. Family isn’t always about blood. It’s about who shows up, who feeds your soul, who you connect with on a soul level, and who sits at your table—literally and metaphorically.
Spice wasn’t just my “dog”. She was my family and my people in the truest sense. While others with shared blood chose exclusion, silence, and distance, Spice only chose unconditional love always. She stayed by my side through everything life threw at me for over twelve years, never wavering once. She showed up for me when others let me down. She was my constant, my rock, and the one who gave me a purpose and place to belong. Her unconditional love was the stable shelter I could count on. I made the conscious choice when I adopted her to never leave her alone, even passing up time with friends I loved because being with Spice always felt like the right thing to do and she deserved that commitment, love and respect from me. She was my heart and my home. And I knew she would not be here forever so I had to make every moment count and enjoy time with her while she was here.
When she passed away, I felt unanchored, gutted by a grief that brought me to my knees. But in the quiet days that followed her absence, one of the most unexpected and beautiful gifts she gave me revealed itself: the space and ability to reconnect with the people who had always wanted to be there for me (and were waiting patiently for me). Without the guilt of leaving Spice now, I began to spend time with those friends. And they showed up hard and fast. In the rawest season of my life, when some of my blood family consciously chose silence and absence, these friends were immediately loud and in my face the moment Spice passed. They were showing up on my door step, working out with me when I needed strength, throwing me a birthday party 4 days after Spice died when I didn’t even think I could smile or hold myself together, and wrapping me in the kind of unconditional love and support that is the “home” and “family” I always knew was meant for me. Spice, even in her passing, led me to my real family. The one others made me feel like I didn’t deserve to have, based on whatever judgment, grudges or misunderstandings existed in their minds that they were unwilling to work through or heal with me. Spice sent me a loving family that inspired, healed, and encourage me. The family that chose me for who they knew I truly am at heart. The family we all can have. The family that wants to celebrate me exactly as I am, without wanting or needing me to change anything about me.
Enter my "Peeps" and the Soul "Family" that Chose me
I’m lucky to have fantastic friends who became my soul tribe and family. Each one of them bringing something unique and beautiful into my life. Each one of whom chooses to grow and build healthy friendships and relationships with me. They teach me each day what a healthy family looks like: one that loves unconditionally, chooses communication and compromise over misunderstanding and unforgiveness, one that seeks to heal, power, and inspire me to greatness. A family that values raising each other up, showing up for each other as the best versions of us each day. And being the stable rocks we know we can count on in all seasons and storms of life.
Billy is the older brother I never had and always wanted. Incredibly intelligent, both mentally and physically strong, he has the heart of a warrior and the soul of a protector. He’s endlessly generous with his time, energy, and friendship. He is constantly lifting us up through both work and workouts. His strength isn’t just in muscles. It’s in his presence.
Mireille, his fiancée, is a radiant and worldly soul. She helps me see the world through a lens of beauty, curiosity, and wonder. She’s a gracious host who always makes me feel welcome, whether for a movie night, girl time, or just a quiet evening spent laughing on the couch. Being around her expands my perspective and softens my heart.
Olga is truly my soul sister. She’s the biggest, loudest, most vibrant energy I’ve ever met. She is impossible to ignore and even harder not to love. Despite being naturally shy, I find myself becoming more playful and open in her presence. She brings out my silly, carefree side and reminds me to truly enjoy life fully. It was one of the greatest honors of my life to officiate her wedding last month.
Claudia, another work friend, has become my walking companion and a quiet source of wisdom. Our lunchtime strolls are filled with deep, soulful conversations that feed my spirit. When Spice passed, she gifted me a wind chime with paw prints and a loving message. This remains one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. She encourages me to try new things (especially new foods! but still has not gotten me to try octopus) and inspires me to greet each day with optimism.
Heather was by my side during my very first 5K Newport Bridge Run and arm in arm we crossed the finish line together. We always make time for dinner dates and shopping trips, but what means the most me are her daily morning inspirational texts; a cheerful GIF every morning without fail. She’s one of the most compassionate and generous people I’ve ever known. Her commitment to being a good friend pushes me to be a better one, too.
Weekends of Arepas, Ice Cream, and Everything in Between
This past weekend, I spent time with my chosen family: Olga, Billy, and Mireille.
The weekend started on Friday when Mireille got out of work with movement: an intense one hour leg workout in the park. We laughed, pushed each other, and sweated out the stress of the week. Billy, who never lets us slack, reminded us that showing up for yourself is a form of love, too. Olga took pictures and videos of us working out hard and put music to them. They were a great memory of time well spent with ones we love.
Then while Billy made arepas, something I’d never tried before. Mireille and Olga introduced me to a new movie, which was fascinating and was about learning to embrace and accept yourself exactly as you are. The arepas were warm and comforting in a way only authentic homemade food can be.
Olga and I played with my new Ninja ice cream maker, giggling like kids as we mixed and scooped and taste-tested. And then Billy and Olga proceeded to “fight” about what ice cream flavors to make. Olga and Billy have the kind of loud, hilarious, brother-sister dynamic that fills a room, especially when they start speaking in half Spanish half English (thank God I took 3 years of Spanish in High School). They tease, yell, and laugh in equal measure, their banter bouncing off the walls like a live comedy show. While we were all making homemade ice cream, things got especially animated. Billy was proudly crafting his corn-flavored creation, and Olga was loudly declaring it a terrible idea, while she made her coconut concoction. Naturally, Billy fired back. They both declared that my “healthy” ice cream sounded even worse. The kitchen was full of shouting, laughter, and friendly debate which was equal parts chaos and love. It was one of those moments where you realize: this is family. Not by blood, but by heart and soul.
There was no pressure. No need to meet anyone’s “expectations”. Just joy. Just friendship. Just togetherness. Just love and laughter. Billy and Mireille invited me to sleepover, which is so awesome. They have a huge house, great for entertaining and constantly filled with love, laughter, and friends. On Saturday the festivities continued with a hard 2 hour workout at the gym and then lunch. Due to a house project I had to take off but Olga met up with them to play Jenga and they sent pictures to me to help me feel included. I love them all so much.
Spice Knew the Magic of the Meal
Reflecting on the weekend and as I write this post, I had a bittersweet nostalgic moment thinking of Spice. I bet she was smiling watching all of this unfolding. Sometimes I love watching Billy and Olga start feverishly bantering in “Spanglish” and I laugh and somehow makes me think of Spice. She didn’t need to understand language—because there is a universal language that is felt with the heart: love, family, and connection. Spice reminded me, time and time again, that family presence is everything. That the most meaningful rituals are the simplest ones. A shared meal. A kind word. A place at the table.
Feed Your Soul- Together
So here’s what Spice would want me to tell you: make time for the people who feed your soul. Set the table, whether it’s in your kitchen or a picnic blanket in the park. Cook something. Laugh. Remind the people you love that they matter, not with grand gestures, but with a plate of food and a seat beside you.
It doesn’t have to be fancy. It just has to be full of heart.
Because the greatest meals are rarely about what’s served on the plate. They’re about who’s sitting next to you, and the love that gets passed around with every bite.
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