Why is it so hard to do?
The day I brought baby Spice home back in January of 2012 I knew I was in trouble. She was so extremely adorable, loveable, and funny that I felt I was going to break every rule and boundary dog owners are told to abide by when you adopt a rescue dog. My “Spice of Life” as I called her was found dumped in the woods of Mississippi with her mom and 8 siblings at 4 weeks old when found by Friends of Homeless Animals. I was blessed and fortunate enough to be “gifted” her at 8 weeks old, which then began an amazing love affair and journey that lasted the next 12 1/2 years. It really is true what they say about dogs being man’s best friend.
From the night I brought her home until the day she passed we slept on the bed together, entangled in each others’ arms, drooling and snoring all over each other in dirt and hair filled sheets. Neither one of us could or would settle in for the evening until some part of us was connected to the other. This usually translated to her foot in my ribs or neck, her butt in my face, or her body diagonally alongside my leg, forcing me to sleep contorted on 10% of the bed while she slept sprawled out comfortably on the other 90% of the bed.
Spice never knew or understood what kibble was because I made her “dog food” which consisted of whatever we both could eat: steak, chicken, fish, yogurt with blueberries, sweet potatoes, you name it- we ate it… on plates (she didn’t have a dog bowl)…at the dinner table….together. We had the best conversations and she was the greatest listener of all time. She was the only one I ever shared my ice cream cone with in my entire life, which speaks volumes to the magnitude, depth and breadth of love I had for her.
The boundaries, rules, or discipline (if you want to even call it that) I set with Spice were quickly overridden when she did something funny, pushed my buttons, or in true part-husky style decided to tell me off, walk away from me and proceed to ignore me until she got her way (which she did 99.99% of the time). And I asked myself, was that really such a bad thing? Who makes the “rules” in life? And who determines what is “good” or “bad” to do with your dog? So what if she sleeps in my bed, eats my food, and I give in to her? She gives back 180% of pure unconditional love and friendship to me in return. So what if we already went for 5 one hour walks today, she wanted to go on another at 10pm when I was drop dead exhausted and in my pajamas? Sure, let me go get my coat….and off we went. You want to spend another hour in Lowe’s making sure you didn’t miss any sight, smell or friend in the 20 isles we just repeatedly walked down? no problem, let’s go down them all over again….and again….and again….
Fortunately, she was my wise ascended master in disguise, teaching me over the course of a decade that I did in fact have to learn how to hold my ground on things that were important to me or that I believed in, both in my personal and professional life…just not with her. So how did I learn to do this you ask? Watching her tenacious and relentlessly stubborn soul debate, negotiate, push boundaries and hold her ground with not only me but others. I also had no choice as a dog mom to ensure Spice and other’s safety so I did eventually find my way.
But let’s discuss why it is so hard to hold your ground and set boundaries when faced with fear, lack of discipline, peer pressure, societal expectations, family obligations, etc.
Holding your Ground Builds Self- Respect and Teaches you Discipline
The greatest form of self-love is when you consciously choose to hold your ground because you realize your own worth. Once you realize this, your courage to hold your ground increases and starts flowing out of your own soul. This then leads to a series of transformations which not only make you a better person, but the world a better place. You matter. Your voice has power. Your beliefs are valid. And each time you anchor to this truth and fact, you reinforce that your needs and voice deserve and command respect. And people will not only see this, but feel this from the confidence and energy you transmit while in their presence.
Holding your ground means you decide to no longer people please with family, friends, and coworkers- at any and all costs, even if it means losing the relationship. Living a life of integrity and self-respect builds unwavering strength, uncompromising character, genuine authenticity, and unshakable confidence from the inside out. Being true to yourself is more important than pleasing others at the end of the day. Only you know what is best for you and your life. Don’t settle or compromise what is important to you and brings joy and happiness to your heart.
I am not going to sugar coat it. Is holding your ground easy to do? No, it isn’t…at first. Is it uncomfortable doing? yes…once you begin to do it. Does it get easier with time and practice? Also yes, it gets a little easier until one day it ultimately becomes your superpower. Some of the hardest choices in my life, when at crossroads or dealing with difficult people, was when I decided to draw a hard line in the sand and set boundaries. Holding my ground has proven to be the best decision I made for my spiritual growth and evolution. And for this reason I challenge and encourage you to do the same. Dig deep. Don’t short change yourself. Roll up your sleeves and put in the “soul work” to wake up each day committed to embracing just a little bit more of the disciplined you than the day before.
When it comes to discipline, no one likes it, but real gains and growth come when you are willing to embrace and face that discomfort. Learning to sit with discomfort, and ultimately respond rather than react to it, is a valuable skill to develop. You strengthen your emotional resilience and self-control by practicing disciplined living, which spills over to every aspect of your life. Take me for example. Five years ago I joined a gym. I disciplined myself over time to show up for me 5 days a week, regardless of how I felt. Rain or shine I walked or drove to the gym, like clock-work. And when I felt tired or that voice created doubt and temptation in my head to not go, I shut it down real fast and boldly declared back to it, “that is the echo of the old Julie. We go to the gym daily now.” By doing this, I built emotional grit, resilience, trust and discipline within myself. I knew I could count on me to show up in any situation, no matter how hard it felt, no matter how tired or busy I was, and in moments when life was not easy and seemed inconvenient to stop and go to the gym.
This practice also teaches you delayed gratification- the foundation of discipline. Disciplined living is when you trust and hold your ground to where your inner compass is calling you to. You know who you are at core, what you are doing, and why you are making the choices you are, irrespective of what anyone around you thinks, says, or does. Listen to and follow this compass. That is true power and spiritual growth.
Setting Boundaries Keeps Your Dog, You, and Others Safe
Spice and I were walking down the road one day and some type of food was in the street. She went to grab it and out of fear and panic my maternal instincts kicked in and I yelled “Leave it”. I was never more grateful in that moment for the $200 I paid three times to take spice to obedience training at PetSmart for puppy, intermediate and then advanced training. In that moment, when it truly mattered, she listened and exhibited discipline. And I understood the importance of discipline and setting hard boundaries when it came to safety.
Similarly, a couple of years ago I was walking with a group of friends who also brought their dogs for a walk in the woods. The dogs were all off leash having a wonderful stroll. All of a sudden one of the dogs heard a noise off in the distance and bolted. All the other dogs, including Spice then followed in suit. I yelled out, “Spice NO! Stay”. She immediately stopped dead in her tracks, turned back and looked at me, and waited for me to come up to her to praise and leash her. Spice was the ONLY dog in that pack who stopped when called. It took us a good half hour to find the other dogs, and many of the other owners were stressed and panicked. Spice’s discipline did not happen by accident. It was the result of daily practice walking off leash for hours on end. As a puppy Spice kept getting loose and escaping the fence and yard. She would dig under the physical fence, jump over it, shimmy her body through it, and even getting an invisible fence proved futile.
Just like people, there is no quick and easy magical fix. You have to put in the work, spend the time working on it, and build up the trust and discipline (in yourself, your pet, and others). Practice discerning people and situations by setting healthy boundaries. Learn to listen to and be guided by these boundaries (and your intuition), because it keeps us safe. Boundaries aren’t about being strict, they are about being healthy and smart.
Boundaries Are a Form of Love (Even with Family)
When we think of love, we often picture warm hugs, sweet gestures, and endless devotion. But real, lasting love (the kind that feels safe, steady, and soul-deep) has a quieter side. It speaks through boundaries.
Setting boundaries is one of the clearest expressions of love, whether it’s with our family or our fur babies. Boundaries create safety, trust, and mutual respect. With dogs, consistent limits help them understand what’s expected and give them the confidence to navigate their world. Teaching your dog not to jump on people or to wait at the door before charging outside protects both them and others. It communicates, “I care about and love you. Therefore I am investing in us by setting healthy boundaries, communicating clearly, and setting expectations.”
Similarly, boundaries with family members are acts of self-respect and emotional honesty. They let others know how we expect to be treated, what we need to feel respected and valued, and where our limits lie. Boundaries actually bring people closer together while making relationships healthier and more sustainable. Love isn’t about giving your time, energy, and self endlessly to family, friends, and even your dog; it’s about showing up with clarity, kindness, and the courage to say, “This is what helps me feel loved and what I need in this relationship. Please honor and respect this.”
Both Dogs and People Understand (and Thrive on) Setting Boundaries
Dogs don’t just tolerate boundaries they crave them. When Spice came into my life, she didn’t know what to expect from me or the world. Working together over time she learned to trust me because of the boundaries I (eventually) set for her. Meals were at 6:30am and 5pm, walks to the park occurred at 3pm sharp when I got out of work, and rules about waiting until I gave the command to walk through the front door helped Spice thrive. She wasn’t guessing or stressing. She knew what to expect. She also would pause, stop and look at me, waiting for the verbal command “ok” if unsure of what to do while on a walk or at someone’s house. As mentioned earlier, teaching “leave it” or “stay” wasn’t about dominance. It was about trust and keeping Spice safe. She understood I’d keep her safe, and that she had a role in keeping herself and others safe too.
Like many dogs, Spice too had her limits. She didn’t always want to play, to be pet, or to go on a walk. Respecting her space and boundaries strengthened our bond and made her more affectionate because she felt understood, loved and respected.
The Cost of not Holding Your Ground and Setting Boundaries
When we avoid setting or enforcing boundaries, we may think we’re being kind, flexible, or keeping the peace. But over time, the cost of not holding your ground adds up. And it can affect everything from your energy and time to your finances and relationships. Emotional fatigue, resentment, or being taken advantage of are often results from not previously holding your ground. People pleasing and tolerating disrespect only leads to resentment and bottled up feelings. When you regularly abandon your own boundaries and needs you compromise your own self-worth and give the message to others that their behavior is ok or being tolerated. Your anxiety increases and you often feel emotionally overwhelmed. And relationships sometimes become unhealthy or one-sided if not kept in check with healthy boundaries. Interacting with your dog or pet is no different. They thrive on routines, rules, and consistency and will get confused or anxious when the rules change or you do not follow through with discipline or consistency. I was extremely lucky and blessed with Spice, she was an angel from the hour she was mine until the moment she passed. But I have seen other dogs become reactive, anxious and destructive as a result of their owner’s lack of boundary setting.
Conclusion
We are on a life long journey here on planet earth. One of the things that has helped me over the years is to realize this is a marathon and not a race or sprint. Showing ourselves some compassion and grace as we learn and develop skills, including setting healthy boundaries and holding our ground is warranted. Getting the help and support you need is also important and available here at our website, in your community, and from family and friends. You are the best investment to devote your time, love, energy, and attention to. You and your pet deserve that. With love, patience, and practice you too can discover the inner power and peace that comes with consciously holding your ground and setting healthy boundaries.
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